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| Super!
by Joseph G. Evrard,
Staff KentuckianWe live in a world of superlatives. Today, everything has to be the Biggest or the Most Unusual. The best of all possible words to express this concept is “SUPER.” You may think nothing of marching into McDonald’s and telling the clerk to “supersize” your order, but be very careful how you use this common term.
You may be super surprised to learn that what you think you mean is not always what you thought you said. Confused? Me, too. Let’s explore the many meanings of the world of “SUPER.”
Superman – Take your pick: Clark Kent, Norman Schwartskopf, Johnny Cash, John Wayne, Elvis.
Superficial – The best umpire in the business.
Supervisor – A baseball cap with a foot-long bill.
Superstructure - Any building more than 100 stories tall.
Supernatural - Absolutely no, none, not, nada, zippo, zero artificial ingredients.
Supercharger – Your wife, heading for the mall, carrying a purse full of credit cards – none of which have yet been maxed out.
Super Ball - A lot of people in fancy clothing at a big dance.
Super Smell – Barbecue, black powder smoke, wet hunting dogs, a can of fresh fishin’ worms, your old truck cab, a skunk upwind, the bait box, a freshly opened can of coffee, your mother-in-law’s transmission burning, a tire store, last year’s waders, the mystery meat in the back of the fridge, your dog’s breath, bread baking, chili, hot apple pie, Wild Turkey, pancakes, pine trees, cedar shavings, the swamp, moldy boots, dill pickles, burning insulation, roast goose, cow pie, your wife’s freshly washed hair, new leather, fresh paint, hot asphalt, burning trash, hot chocolate, baked ham, hot biscuits, freshly cut oak, bacon frying, diesel exhaust, the paper mill up the road, dry leaves in the fall.
Super Lawyer – Combine the genes of Clarence Darrow, Daniel Webster, Johnny Cochran, David Boise, Alan Dershowitz, F. Lee Bailey and Ben Ginsberg.
Put him in front of a jury of union bricklayers sitting in the trial of Chauncey Blake III whose Rolls Royce limo, while driving him to a luncheon with his broker and director of his family’s foundation, rear-ended the newly restored 1955 Chevy of Buddy Jackson who was stopped at a red light.
Super Dog – A foot-long, two-inch diameter, all beef hot dog in a sub sandwich roll topped with onions, relish, chili, mustard, catsup, hot sauce, liquid smoke, peppers, kraut, and nacho cheese.
Superheterodyne – For a long time, people thought this referred to a kind of radio. Not True! I have it on good authority that the word actually was coined to describe really straight couples patronizing a really good restaurant.
Super Tacky – 1. A type of permanent duct tape that, once applied, cannot be removed. 2. Any painting on black velvet.
Superpower – Any of several power tools that exceed the requirements to be classified “Industrial Grade.” As power tools become even stronger, we’ll no doubt have to invent even more grandiose terms, such as: Super Duper Power; Ultra Super Power, Totally Awesome Power, and Arnold The Governator!
Supreme (Pronounced Super-Ream) – This unfortunate condition results when your boss calls you into his office and proceeds to chew you out for three or four hours, after which he’s finally warmed up, whereupon he pulls out all the stops and gives you a Serious dressing-down.
Supercalafragalisticexpealadocious – A really long, silly word invented for a really long, silly film.
Super Cool – The degree to which cheap beer must be cooled to make it go down your throat without triggering a gag reflex. This requirement applies only to the first six beers.
Superlative - Remember, I used this word in the first sentence of this column? What it really refers to is any aunt, uncle, cousin, etc. who knocks off and leaves you a million or so in his/her will.
Have a SUPER month!
See ya around,
BUCK
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